Do you sometimes feel – or – have you ever felt like your self-worth fluctuates with the approval (or disapproval) of others? This is a common experience, but one that can leave us feeling insecure and unfulfilled, on a teeter-totter that hinges on the whims of the world around us.
This little book, “the Boy the Mole the Fox and the Horse” offers a path towards self-discovery where your inherent worth shines through, independent of external validation. Helping you shed the masks you wear to seek approval, and embrace the authentic YOU whose worth is undeniable.
“Do you have any other advice?” asked the boy. “Don’t measure how valuable you are by the way you are treated,” said the horse.” – the Boy the Mole the Fox and the Horse
“What are you glad you gave up?” asked the boy. “Trying to please everyone,” said the horse. – the Boy the Mole the Fox and the Horse
A reflected sense of self… this is the term used to describe how children first learn who they are, the process of building an identity from what gets reflected back to them. Very literally, the world around us repeated our names to us until we adopted the belief that “this is who I am”.
Might there be any other beliefs that we perhaps picked up and made a part of our “self” because of what was reflected back to us from the people around us? How much of other people’s opinions about us shaped who we think we are today?
Today’s meditation is a journey of the masks we wear in order to make ourselves acceptable to “the world”, looking at each one, and reminding ourselves that we’re getting better at shedding our need for these masks. It is well worth repeating this process again and again because as Mooji so beautifully reminds us: “The easy part is being who you are. What is hard, is to stop being who you are not.” Masks can be sticky. It can be a long process before we’re finally ready to put them down for good.
As a part of the “identity” we create from the opinions of others, the voices around us in childhood get recorded and adopted and as adults this is the way we speak to ourselves – the ways in which we were spoken to as kids.
“Sometimes your mind plays tricks on you. It can tell you ‘you’re no good, that it’s all hopeless.’ But remember this – You are loved, and important and you bring to this world things no one else can. So hold on.” – the Boy the Mole the Fox and the Horse
“What else?” asked the boy. “You will have plenty of critics,” said the horse, “don’t be one of them.” – the Boy the Mole the Fox and the Horse
Our old patterns of survival cause us to unconsciously pick up and wear those old masks, and speak to ourselves in the same old dis-empowering ways again. But over time, if we are kind to ourselves through this process, it becomes easier to stop and recognize that – “This is not me”, when we put on that mask and, “this is not how I want to speak to myself”, when you hear that same old accusing narrative again.
The journey to self-discovery isn’t about becoming someone new, but rather rediscovering who you were before the world told you who you should be.
Here are some mantras to guide your introspection:
- Challenge your inner critic. Is that voice truly yours, or an echo from the past?
- Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself as you unveil your authentic self.
- Embrace your uniqueness. Your quirks and flaws are what make you, you.
- Let go of the need for approval. Your worth is not defined by what others think.
- Be true to yourself. Authenticity is liberating and empowering.
Remember, the journey towards your authentic self is a continuous process. As you shed the masks, embrace the part of you who needed those old masks to feel safe, and know that your own acceptance of yourself will provide you with more safety than you’ve ever known.
Thank you for joining me on this journey, and well done on doing your inner work!
– pierre –
Today’s LIVE meditation is: The masks we wear.
(Image credit: “The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse” by Charlie Mackesy)