Today’s conversation is about coping mechanisms, and especially the masks we find ourselves reaching for in order to feel like we’re being accepted by the humans around us.
A “coping mechanism” is not a moral failing, it’s just the scared part of a human trying hard to deal with what can sometimes feel like too much to handle.
My favourite part of the work of the poet Hafez, is that while he spoke about serious subjects he also had a deeply mischievous streak. For all his seriousness, he never strayed far away from humour, and in today’s quotes his humour shines bright.
“Admit something… everyone you see, you say to them “love me.” Of course you don’t do this out loud, otherwise someone would call the police. Still though, think about this, this great pull in us to connect.” – Hafez
Hafez accurately describes the biggest reason for most of our coping mechanisms – the very deep need to be accepted. To some degree we all have a desperation to belong – old programming left over from our tribal days when an abandoned human wouldn’t survive well in the wilderness alone.
Even though there is nothing morally ‘wrong’ with having a coping mechanism, it also never provides the actual solution, only temporary relief. Every coping mechanism ultimately hinders our personal growth and fulfillment. Just like a crutch that can be very useful for a time to relieve pressure and allow healing to happen, but ultimately if you want to stand fully on two firm legs again, you will have to completely let it go.
Hafez provides the best description I’ve ever heard of the hollow rewards that our coping mechanisms provide:
“Learn to recognize the counterfeit coins that may buy you just a moment of pleasure, but then drag you for days like a broken man behind a farting camel.” – Hafez
One of our most insidious coping mechanisms – the one that might be the hardest to spot – is our ability to put on a mask in an attempt to make ourselves acceptable to the people around us.
We can spend a whole lifetime bending ourselves to fit into the shapes that make others feel more comfortable while denying our true selves, and never discover the beauty – and raw power – of our own authenticity.
Be gentle with your fear though. Accept the scared human who had a need for those old patterns in order to be able to cope, and understand that when you fully love yourself, this need will disappear.
Masks are always worn in an attempt to find acceptance. And we will find ourselves reaching for the same old masks and coping mechanisms again and again, until we are able to look at ourselves with kindness, and finally extend to ourselves the acceptance and love that we have always yearned for.
A few affirmations to reflect upon:
- “I am worthy of love and acceptance, just as I am.”
- “I release the need to conform to others’ expectations.”
- “I embrace my unique qualities and express myself authentically.”
- “I am gentle with myself as I navigate this journey of self-discovery.”
- “I choose to live a life of authenticity and fulfillment.”
Join us for a gentle journey of recognizing your own masks and empower yourself with the awareness of where it is that you feel the need to hide your true self.
Have a beautiful day beautiful humans!
– pierre –
Today’s LIVE meditation is: The masks we wear.