I have to admit… I REALLY struggled through this morning’s meditation…
The property we live on and the one next door, are filled with many trees. Most of them really old. And as this rainy season gets started, one after another is either just falling over or being ripped apart by wind and rain. It’s not that we’ve had so much wind and rain, just that the trees are mostly really old and brittle.
So just after our circle of meditation starts this morning, the chainsaw next door also starts up and it feels like my nervous system suddenly develops spikey extensions to every nerve ending… “NO! there are beautiful people listening and meditating with me! This is not the experience I want to create for them!
“What a trap I have stepped into! Like one of those bear traps it clamped shut, tight around my ankle and for the life of me, I couldn’t shake it off!So while I’m doing my best to lead the morning meditation, I’m also doing my best to suppress the rising hatred of chainsaws!
As this all happens, simultaneously I fully realize that my freedom doesn’t lie in controlling the circumstances, but in how I respond to the circumstances. I have learnt this lesson over and over again and have become quite good at it but… because it’s not just my experience at stake here but the experience of others which I feel kind-of responsible for… I just couldn’t shake it. I couldn’t put it down, to the point that I’m almost manifesting an out-of-body experience on it’s way to accost an innocent chainsaw operator. FUCKING CHAINSAW!!!
It took me all the way to the end of the meditation to be reminded of the words of my beautiful FB friend @loveninacamille (or @itsninacamille on IG): “We don’t start by changing what-is. We start by changing our relationship with what-is.”
In this moment I cannot control the chainsaw operator just doing his job, my freedom lies in finding my peace in all of this noise.
In this moment I cannot control the experience you’re having while trying to meditate with me, my freedom lies in knowing that I am doing my best and that I have to allow you to find your own peace in all of this noise… or not.
So here’s to an old lesson re-learnt, and I fully expect that I’ll encounter and re-re-learn this lesson again.
I love you all and hope that you have a beautiful day!
-pierre-